notizie dal mio cuore - 50
News: I am now no longer only a single woman living in Florence Italy…..about to turn 44 years of age….but I am a single Artistic Director running Florence International Theatre Company. Due to certain circumstances…. my partner in crime, as one of my friends said “who seemed joined at your hip” … has left his role as co-Artistic Director.
Living in a small town such as Florence is interesting. It’s taught me so much about what orthodox Judaism calls Lochen Horah. In other words speaking about other people. You have to be very careful because the affects of it are felt much sooner than they are in LA or New York where I grew up. And in a town like Florence, those affects can actually be pretty damaging. If you let them…..
I have learned that in Florence Italy I have the growing reputation of being a “strong,” “difficult” and “controlling” woman. Apparently people talk about me in places like churches and bookstores. They say things like “I hear Bari is difficult to work with” or “Aaron’s no longer running FITC with Bari”…. “well that makes sense, she’s a very strong woman.”
I take no offense. I would have…. About a week or two ago…. Before I realized something really important: If you know where you are going, and you know what it takes to get there AND what you’re doing is also of benefit to a lot of other people, hurting no one and making some people happy….. and IF you live in a city where the structures, the attitudes, the standards are perceivable obstacles to what you need to do to get where you need to go…. Then you better be strong and clear…. Control the situation as best you can…. And will ALWAYS be perceived as “difficult” to those who simply don’t get it… or… who don’t really want it.
Now what does this have to do with my ex-partner? Well, as I said, Florence is a small town. It has everything to do with him. And, nothing at all. Since this is my blog, we’ll talk about me. All my life I’ve put myself in circumstances where in one way or another I diminished myself. I always wanted to take care of others… make them feel good… even at a cost to myself. Apparently I came to Italy to learn to simply stop doing that. And, as with all lessons, that was not easy. You all only know about my relationship with my partner as strong and positive… as “we do this” and “we did that” …. “we suffered through this” and “we struggled with that” because that’s how I constantly would depict it….. “we.” And, not to diminish a THING he’s done… because he’s done a great deal…. But “we” have had a lot of problems…. Because the one thing that lacked in this relationship was honesty. He didn’t really tell me what he felt about the vision and direction of FITC which I was creating and I didn’t really tell him how much I resented that I felt I was creating it alone. And so it went for almost two years. And now it’s done.
As with all divorce it gets ugly at times. It’s messy and I don’t want it to be. We are acting together in our next production. It’s called “Betrayal.”
I’ll let you know how it goes.
